Confession

The other day Yale said to me, "Don't you want Olie to stay a baby forever?" The logical and kind-of-in-denial half of me wanted to tell him that was riduculous and of course I didn't want this. I am excited to see her grow and develop, to see her become a contributing human being. The emotional-yet-timid side of me thought about just how much I would love it if she could stay a baby forever. Instead I said nothing and just stared at him blankly. Last week I stopped by work to pick up some books for a girl I am tutoring. I ran into a co-worker who is an enthusiastic grandma. She asked how old Olivia is. When I told her 5 months she said, "This is when they start getting to be really fun." I sincerely told her that I thought it had all been fun, and sheepishly whispered that I'm not ready for her grow up. These two conversations have lead me to think about why it's so hard for me to imagine Little Miss Liv growing up. I am sure part of it is that everyone loves babies, just like kittens or puppies. Babies are so cute and cuddly. We have people offer all the time to baby sit our daughter, but I would doubt that will be the case when she is seven. I suspect not many of my adult friends will be begging to hang out with her when she is hormonal and 13, and not because she won't still be a great kid but because that is human nature; we love babies. I think that there is more to it than just loving babies. At least for me, and I think this might be true for Yale, too. I think part of it is that we both feel like we are pretty good parents right now. We are decent at handling the baby stuff, and we aren?t so sure we will be as good at the toddler, kid or teenager stuff. What about when discipline becomes part of the game? How will we rate as parents then? Will we be able to let her become her own person? How will we handle it when we see her picking up on our own bad habits and neuroses? The other factor is that Olivia thinks we are pretty great, too. Her face absolutely lights up when we enter her line of vision. I think it will break my heart the first time I have to discipline her and she gets mad at me. If I am remembering correctly from my child development classes, it is at about 10 or 11 that most kids start to truly realize how imperfect their parents are. That?s when they start to feel embarrassed around their parents and friends become more important. I am not looking forward to that whole transition. Who knows, that is a long time from now. Maybe by then we will be ready for the independence. Maybe we will see the benefits of having your children break away. Then again maybe we will decide we want to become foster parents for babies after our child (or maybe children) fly from the nest.